The irony is not lost on me because when you have depression you have no desire to eat or sleep or do anything so how the heck was I going to find motivation to seek help? Well, I found my breaking point and luckily getting help has been the biggest relief. I am now on medication and going to talk therapy and I feel like myself again. I feel better than I have in a long time. I am so thankful that I found the courage to reach out and get help. I don't no where I would be if I hadn't.
Feeling better, I decided that this year is going to be focused on putting my health and happiness first. I want to do more yoga and find a more consistent job. Subbing really drained me at the end of the day. I loved working with the kids but I did not feel like I belonged to a school or a community and that is why I needed to quit. Because this year I need to do anything and everything that makes me happy.
Before quitting, I spoke to my family about how I was feeling and was urged to stick it out for a few more months. At least until the end of the year. But with this new release of depression and anxiety I found the courage to make my own decision. I decided that I would be making my own decisions this year. This could be a huge mistake but the mistake had to be completely my own.
Prior to getting help I had begun training to be a kids yoga instructor. This brought me so much peace and solace in my life that I decided to pursue teaching yoga. I find happiness in reading books again. I am smiling again, more calm, and less anxious then ever before. Am I still struggling with money? Yes. Am I exactly where I want to be in my life? In a relationship? With a full time job? No, but I've made a great start and I'm happy. And being happy is really all I care about right now.